Ramayana’s wife, Sita, is
kidnapped by the Viradha.
Viradha sends Rama a message and asks Rama to bring him the most
powerful feather in the world to exchange for the life of Sita. Moreover, Viradha
has a strong city that Rama’s arrow cannot pierce and his soldiers are actually
his avatars.
Rama knows he can find the
most powerful from the mighty Garuda, who has a large gold body that can blind
the sun, red wings, and a beak of eagle. Garuda tells Rama that he is will to
help him, but Viradha is very deceitful; Viradha may not to let Rama go even
with his feather. To help Rama, Garuda bless his bow, giving the bow the
ability to be invisible. Rama thanks to Garuda and says he will use the bow
wisely.
Rama request Viradha
brings him his wife first, and he will give Viradha the feather he
wants. Viradha makes another term that Rama must finish the trade in his city.
Rama agrees immediately and enters Viradha’s city. Viradha inspects Rama to see
if he carries a weapon, but Viradha cannot sense Rama’s bow because Garuda’s
bless is very powerful.
Firstly Rama meets his wife, and
he checks her to make sure she was not hurt. Then Rama gives Viradha the most
powerful feather without hesitate. However, Viradha suddenly starts laughing
and calling his avatars to capture Rama and Sita alive; Viradha wants to eat
both of them to strengthen his own power.
Rama remains very calm because
he has his bow with him. Rama let Sita stands behind him and he takes out his
bow. The bow is blessed by Garuda and it now has a swifter shooting speed. Rama
shoots eights arrows each time and those arrows pierce eight avatars’ hearts.
Since Viradha’s avatars are killed very fast, Viradha himself is also wounded. Therefore,
Viradha takes all his avatars back to his body. This is a fatal mistake; Rama
now has only one target, so he can use his talent of archery at his best. Rama shoots
eight arrows; those arrows pierce eight places of Viradha’s body, giving
Viradha eight fatal wounds.
Yet, Viradha is not dead
because he is cursed to be cannibalism and he cannot be killed by physical
damages. As a result, Rama chooses to repress him under a holy tree, so time
can remove Viradha’s curse and Viradha can finally rest in peace. His soul will
belong to the heaven.
Author's Note:
My idea is from two stories, Battle with Khara and Viradha. I think those two stories are very cool, so I decide to combine them together and changed them to create a new battle.
Bibliography:
Ramayana Online: Public Domain Edition
Youhao,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. It was really interesting. It was very entertaining. I especially liked how it ended. The story did not end in the stereotypical way one would most expect -- the bad guy fatally dies. Rather in your story the bad guy is stopped by returning to where he belongs and finally have peace. I look forward to reading more of your blog posts.
I really enjoyed this story especially the creativity of combining two stories into the same story. The story may have become more alive if the setting were more alive or more detailed. Like Sarah I enjoyed the fact that the end of your story you chose not to make the destruction of Viradha but rather you focused on returning him to peace. I enjoyed your first sentence I felt like it really drew the reader in. Overall the formatting was good especially between paragraphs. The story could have had a bit more dialogue to explain the back story. It would also have been beneficial if the relationship between Sita and Rama had been more deeply explained, I feel that it would create a better emotional tie between the reader and the story. Ending on a positive note I liked your word choice because it left the reader sure about every characters personality.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed while reading your story was that it was very matter-of-fact. Taking into consideration you are not from the United States, I thought your story was pretty good. I know that it is a lot better than something I could have tried to come up with in my second language. However, since English may not be your first language, I think some extra feedback would definitely help. After reading your story, I found it to be very impersonal. I felt like I was almost reading a documentary about what had happened. I think that perhaps using less narrative and instead including some dialogue between characters would have been more engaging for the audience. There are also a few phrases that seem a little awkward (such as the usage of the word “firstly”). I thought your idea to combine two different stories was very clever, however. I really did enjoy your idea. In case you need help editing your posts, I use a site named grammarly that tells you if you need to rewrite or rephrase anything. www.grammarly.com
ReplyDeleteWow, I very much enjoyed how creatively you brought together the Battle with Khara story and the Viradha story! This plot combination led to retained interest and a lot of opportunities for plot twists throughout. I truly think that your battle scenes are even more compelling than how they were originally presented! Very well done!
ReplyDeleteGoing forward in story telling, you might consider adding more dialogue or background information to the story to further define the plot and increase characterization. Although the matter-of-fact style that you chose to write with clearly conveys the storyline, your creative approach may be better represented with some expansion! One thing that I always have to check myself for when I’m writing is word repetition. In high school, I had a teacher that would make us chart out each sentence in a story so we could see the frequency with which we used each introductory word, subject, and adjective. To this day, I find that tip helpful in all kinds of writing!
Also, I was really happy to see the battles end in a peaceful outcome! I love a happy ending! ☺